My hair is the color of black cherry soda. The sky and the water, a few nights ago, were stripey colors of orange, and pink, and blue sherbet. Daily, I drink green juice, eat green salad, and walk on green grass, barefoot.

The colors of summer are revealing themselves in outstanding ways.

People have been revealing their true colors to me, too. Ever since I embarked on this adventure of leaving the day-to-day of a corporate job, going on a health retreat, and announcing the reboot of my life, you have come out of the woodwork to speak, share, learn, and vent and I love hearing your stories. You are revealing yourselves in outstanding ways, too.

I find we are funny about our social habits.  It takes one person – in this case, me – to admit that things are in a shift or are stressful or need to change before people feel comfortable opening up. Would I, otherwise, have ever heard about the niece of a former co-worker who was sick for years, then went to England, ate cleanly, and cured her food allergies? Would I have been told about so many of you who want to make a life change, but don’t feel that the moment is right, right now?  Would I have learned about the writings of Shafin de Zane? I don’t think so.

So many of us spend too much of our time together speaking about practical (in my mind, boring) things like our jobs, or the state of our lawns, or the score of the baseball game… in the words of Chris Rock (and I’m paraphrasing) “I bring along a single, crack-head to dinner parties, just to keep it interesting.” It seems to me that it takes someone – crazy, honest, or both – to reveal the cracks in his/her life before people will open up and share the important stories in their own lives. Why is this so?  Are people so afraid to be branded or labeled as silly or weird or TMI (revealing too much information) that they keep things generic? Probably. I need to remember that many folks have Puritan roots, and they fear revealing their colorful ones. (Why we place labels on one-another and cause this sense of fear is a different topic for another day.)

Next time you meet someone for the first time, instead of asking the over-used question “SO, what do you DO?” why not ask something like “Who inspires you?” or “What is your story?”

Ultimately, if I were Queen of the World (which I often wish) I would decree all of you to be open about those things in your life which may be interesting, educational, enlightening, and even inspirational. I am Queen of this Blog, so I encourage you to do the same. After all, if you can share your true colors with me, you can and should share them with others, too.

My graduation from Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute. Instead of mortar boards, we donned sprout bags as graduation caps.

It has been three-weeks-and-five-days since my graduation from Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute, and a three weeks since I have returned home. In spite of 25 days away, and all that I experienced and learned, I am amazed at how quickly the beat of life has come right back into play – in good and not-so-good ways.

Honestly, I had a moment when I arrived back in New York, standing at the luggage claim carousel, where I felt like I had never left. It was, as if, the entire reset-my-life experience was a dream. It is hard for me to comprehend that our brains work that way; so accustomed to patterns that we click into the same-same-sameness all over again, almost immediatly.

I find this lesson – we are creatures of habit, pattern, sameness, familiarity, the devil-you-know or whatever you want to call it – both intimidating and empowering. 

bad

When I was planning my health retreat trip, I approached it with the purpose of changing my habits. Over and over again, I have read that it takes 21 days for the body and the mind to adjust to new patterns (search “21 day habit” and you’ll find almost a million hits) so I set out with the idea that I had to be enacting intense change for a minimum of 21 days. After 25 days away, it was daunting that I felt, in that instant in the airport waiting for my suitcase, that nothing had really happened. A feeling washed over me that life is so long that we merely blink our eyes and we’re on to the next thing.

Is it really possible that I spent time, money, emotions, effort, and intellect on something that could evaporate so quickly?

I, honestly, do think this is not only possible, but, in some cases, probable. And, it is not for lack of good intention. Why? Because we tend to drift to what is easy and not, necessarily, what is right or what it best. Easy may be good, bad, or neutral, but it is the path of little effort; we can be sharks riding the currents to conserve energy. Our intent may be to change, but we are not willing to do the work involved to enact that change, or, we can do the work under the optimal conditions, but not when we have to make a larger effort. Hence the proverb: “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

I also think many of us tend to be past- and future-focused, and we struggle with living in the moment.

Think about how many times you have planned and paid for a vacation, and it has taken you days to unplug your brain from thoughts of your job (past-focused.) And, when you’re trip is almost over, instead of spending your final moments in pleasure, you are distracted by the idea of the work you have waiting for you when you return (future-focused.) When are you really experiencing you trip? Most often when you look at the photos and videos – which is bringing you to the past, again. Would (or could) Buddhists qualify this as a “fail?”

Change means work on body, mind, spirit, lifestyle, and attitude. There is no magic solution. Change means work.

good

The exciting/encouraging/empowering part of my experience, however, is that stuff does begin to stick when you do it over and over and over, again, and you find a place for it in the pattern of your life that makes sense to you. (See Dr. BJ Fogg’s Three Tiny Habits.)

Off the top of my head, here are some of the things that have stayed with me from my health retreat, which I have been able to adopt and continue:

• consuming organic, raw vegetables to get the enzymes needed to continue my detoxification and healing process.
• skin brushing to keep the lymph moving through my system.
• eating fermented foods to increase the probiotics in my digestive system.
• good food combining to keep my digestion calm.
• breathing, breathing, breathing.
• consciousness and working to be present, in the moment, as I move about my day.
• using natural products on my skin, my hair, and for bathing.
• keeping connected with nature – the sun, the earth, the water, the air, the moon.
• drinking water at appropriate times to optimize the digestive process.
• setting intentions at the start of my day, and keeping those intentions as a focus, throughout the day.

I have a strong sense of being grounded, and of approaching my days at my own pace. I feel connected to a community of folks in Puerto Rico, and in the many locations where my fellow graduates reside. I have energy. I feel whole. I don’t feel overwhelmed or stressed or filled with anxiety, anymore.

My desire is that the beauty of my experience never leave me, in spite of that feeling I had at the airport.

ugly

The hard parts remain the hard parts, even though I did a 25-day kick-start. Those intense areas of change still need to be changed, in me. They are:

• a daily exercise plan – As I did in Puerto Rico, I intended to swim in the ocean every day. When I returned, Long Island Sound was too cold. I have been swimming some days, walking others, but I have not made ‘daily’ happen, yet.
• more green – Although I have salads every day, I need more green in my diet. I have only made energy soup and green juices a handful of times, and I need to get them into my body every day. Last night, I had dinner with friends in a restaurant. I ate a salad. I also ate the green parsley garnish from the table’s appetizer – it tasted like heaven. I need to make more green happen.
• expanded intentions, greater action – There are so many things I would like to accomplish to get my life in order and continue my reconstruction. I have been so mellow, and so peaceful that my actions are lacking. I need to expand my intentions, increase my actions, and develop a balance that moves me forward.

Change means work, and my greatest job, right now, is to stay focused and keep on reconstructing pino.

Temporary henna tattoo (mehndi) in celebration of my graduation and progress, so far.

These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face

The sun has set on my final evening in Puerto Rico. Tomorrow will mark my 25th day, here, and my return travel home. Feelings about leaving the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute are varied. I’m ready to be home, but I’m not ready to leave.

Yes, Lucia, those are bananas.

There are so many healing things about this place. We are at the end of a little dead-end street, with cute gardens, greenhouses, fruit trees, palms, and the wonderful, blue water. Everyone greets one-another with a smile and nice words when they cross paths. The sun, the moon, and the stars have great presence. The sky is blue, and passing clouds occasionally share their rain. The frogs chirp us all to sleep at night.

It is peaceful and safe.

I’m unclear what it will be like to depart from this protected and protective environment. To return to the hustle, the pressure, the sarcasm. For a little less-than-a-month, I have been responsible only for myself and my well-being. I have been surrounded by people who are doing the same. We have all been supporting one-another through this process. I know I need to carry these feelings and this focus back with me, and apply it to my life, going forward. Although people have been telling me, literally for years, to “put myself first,” this is a lesson I now need to take very seriously. I have to bring this sense of me back into my “real” life.

See the signs and know their meaning.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity for this unplug and reboot experience. I feel so much better than when I arrived. I feel lighter, cleaner, tanner, and I have more energy. I will make the time to continue many of the activities and commitments to health that I was able to adopt while being here. It will be work, but I have the time, now, to make these things happen. Far beyond diet and exercise, I have been without chemical products on my body, I am breathing with conscious intention, I am opening myself to the world without fear, I am understanding the things that make me feel healthy and whole.

If anyone is curious about this program or the idea of adopting more living foods into your lifestyle, I encourage you to contact me. I am not an expert, but I’m happy to share my experiences with you. I’m at pattypino at yahoo.com.

Of course. this was only phase I of my life change. I look forward to new, exciting adventures and to sharing them with all of you, as my reconstruction continues…

____________________________

“These are the days / These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise / Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, / You’ll know it’s true / That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you / Are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.”
- 10,000 Maniacs

Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you

Bomba session - drums, singers & dancer - in San German

Twenty-one days, here, on a detox cleanse diet. For twenty-one days, I

Outside San German Theater

have consumed:

• No salt
• No sugar (except for that great mango)
• No processed foods
• No dairy
• Nothing with a heartbeat
• No fast food
• No chemicals
• No bread
• Nothing cooked

…and the list goes on.  I am eating fresh, raw, organic, whole and living-foods from plants. I am eating green. I am eating cleanly. My body is loving it.

I may have captured God checking on his church in San German

On of the women, here, shared a story about her morning swimming experience. She was in the ocean and it was incredibly clear, and she noticed a fish was swimming along with her. She stopped and the fish stopped; she swam and the fish swam. She expressed that she felt the fish was “dancing with her.” “Maybe that fish is in the water with me every day, but, because the water is rough, I am not able to see him. I have never stopped to see him.” she said. “When you slow down enough, everything becomes clear and you can see the beauty all around you.”

I was struck by this simple statement. It has become trite to say “stop and smell the roses”, right? Maybe that is the wrong way to put it. Maybe we need to slow down, just a little bit, so we don’t miss life passing us by. Take a moment, now, to breath, look around you, and realize the simple beauty in your life.

freshly harvested sunflower greens

I am a very sensitive person.

Perhaps that seems obvious; perhaps not. Some people have referred to me as empathetic or empathic. I even had someone, who is a Star Trek fan, tell me I was some sort-of betazoid. (I didn’t know what that was, so maybe I’m not so sensitive to Trekkies.)

Anyway, for me, this means I feel you. When we are together or talking over the phone or communicating in some way, much of the time, I can feel your energy, or your vibe, or your mojo, or your emotions, or that “thing” that is dominating your personality, at the moment. Even if we don’t know one-another very well, if I read your writing or listen to your podcast or hear your music, I feel connected to you.

Often, I think this makes me a good friend or a good person to be around. I can relate to you, as you are, or I can respect your boundaries, most of the time. I’m sure this makes me an exceptional girlfriend. I believe it is a nice trait or a beautiful gift. I’m pretty sure my Grandmother was this way.

Sometimes, though, this gift can be burdensome. I haven’t, yet, figured out how to don my Wonder Woman bracelets to protect me from the intensity that can easily surround me. For instance…

• When I worked in the office, I could arrive in good spirits ready to conquer my day. But, as soon as I got to my workspace or headed into a meeting, I would pick-up on all of the people who were there with me. If some were stressed, that sensitive sponge inside of me would get stressed, and that would bring me down or completely drain me.
• If I go to a concert, and I’m standing in the crowd enjoying the music, and a person gets close to me, I feel them. If they are insecure, their insecurity envelopes me and I get stressed.
• If I walk into a bar, and the vibe is feels wrong and people are tweaked out on booze or pot or pills, without one chemical entering my body, it tweaks me out. And, you guessed it, stress city.

Where does my stress go? Right to my gut. I hold much of my tension in my belly. Is it any wonder why I have had digestive issues and food allergies?

I love to be connected with people and to hear their stories. This health retreat was a conscious decision not only to address my health with healing foods, but also to relieve the stresses of life, in some way. I’m working to reset or reground myself, so I can better handle being present with others, including all of you.

When I return, I plan to continue on this path, but I don’t want it to stress you out. As expressed before, I am a woman in change. Please understand that if I don’t do a shot with you at the bar, or if I dissect the tomato in my salad, or if I excuse myself, early, from a social situation, that I’m sensitive. It’s not you, it’s me.

_____________________________

“Someday, many years from here / Where no one else can see
You’ll dig up the things they buried / And finally set them free
Finally, set them free

And its a good Life / From now on / When I look back at you
A good life, / Look ahead / The sky is almost blue”
- Rickie Lee Jones

spreading wheatgrass seeds

buckwheat, sunflower, and wheatgrass greens

Baby Cilantro pushing its way into the light.

Chocolate pods (cacao), from the tree, nurtured by the sun.

Time for a hippy post (come on, you had to know it was coming.) This week, we’re having all sorts of classes – on planting, and sprouting, and food prep, and digestion, and on the mind. The pervasive stream, through all of it, throughout all of this place, is that we are all connected. We are all one. Your energy with the earth and the ocean and your food and other people all contributes to the health of the planet.

And, we are all capable of bringing the light.  Here’s a poem by Marianne Williamson:

_______________________________________________________________

A church in Rincon brings light.

Let Your Light Shine

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest real is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

_________________________________________________________________

Thank you for following me on this journey. Thank you for shining your light on me. You are helping me find my way back to my light, again. Watch out, World!

Is it getting better, or do you feel the same?

In hindsight, maybe yesterday’s post was kinda lame. “More with the coconuts and the damn free mangos. Pino? And, who cares about lizards and bird poop. Get to the good stuff, and tell us what is going on at that place.”

Alright, I’ll share some more about my experiences, emotions, and the like.

Depending on your point of view, this could be considered a crazy place in paradise, or a pretty well-organized, laid back school of health. I’m gonna share some of the story, in both ways.

I arrived here under the cover of darkness. My flight got in at 3:40am, where I was picked up by a driver holding a placard with the name and logo of the school. After a 30-minute ride, he handed me a mysterious envelope with my name on it, and showed me the entrance to my dorm. I had to bring in my stuff and find my bed, in the pitch dark, with others sleeping in the large room.

Every morning, I am awakened by the clanging of a bell. We are being called, at 6:15am to move, like zombies, to the beach house area, where we stretch and breath for an hour.

We then progress, en mass, to juice a mysterious elixir. Wheatgrass juicing is a large part of the health protocol, here. Every morning, we get our bag of grass, man. People drink it, put in on their skin, wash their eyes with it, and snort it. Later in the day, they may even put some of in their ass.

Did you come here for forgiveness?

Clang-clang-clang. Shhhhh; be very, very quiet. it is nourishment time. Green soup, to clear your body, mind, and spirit. It must be consumed, in silence.

Instruction comes from our Jedi Master. She is an 83-year young lady, who sings and dances, on a whim. She teaches us that you are not, simply, what you eat, you are, rather. what you digest.

We are told to chew each bite of food 40 or more times. Actually, this point is the most important of this post. So many of us don’t chew our food, and this little bad habit is seriously screwing up our health. Next time you eat. count how many times you chew each bite, before you swallow. If it is less than 20, you are messing with your health, big time. Try to work up to 20. If you can, increase that number even higher. Saliva is an underrated enzyme, and it can help relieve the stress on your gut. Read more from a guy named Lino Stanich.

Small trampolines dot the campus, and your are encouraged to bounce on them, whenever you pass one.

Two dogs stand guard, as the students move about.

A confused rooster begins crowing at 4:15am or so. He crows, randomly, throughout the day.

Strangely, the coconut truck, pictured in my previous post, crashed into a stone wall just moments after those photos were taken.

Randomly, a group of us were swimming in the ocean, and, suddenly, a young boy, on a young horse, came galloping down the boat ramp and onto the beach.

People are bursting into tears for no apparent reason. Other people, besides me. And, I’m still crying, often.

My emotions are everywhere. I am yawning, constantly. Sometimes. my legs feel like lead weights. I’m working on a killer tan.

The most-foreign and squishy part is that you are so present with your emotions. It reminds me of being away at summer camp. There are all of these people here because they need to be, because they are unplugging, because they are cleansing. We wear bathing suits and sweats and shorts. It is an instant community, and yet, you have plenty of time to reflect. I am level and focused for a while, then I feel homesick, then I can’t imagine having to return home, then someone says something that triggers a past memory. Through the peacefulness and supportive nature of this place, I think I’m creating my own emotional green soup.

You got to do what you should.

How's this for a job? Gathering coconuts, the old-fashioned way.

(this was supposed to be posted, yesterday, but I was exhausted…p.s. house on right. above, is where I sit outside and have breakfast by the sea.)

So, it has been one week since my arrival to the land of Gloria Estefan music, and I thought I’d share some random thoughts and observations:

• The squirrels here come in the shape of lizards. And, they battle one-another. And, dogs chase them.
• There are so many ripe mangos falling from the trees that they line both sides of the road, and when you drive past them, even if your car windows are closed, the car fills with the perfume of mango.
• Puerto Ricans, in this area, seem to drop the last parts of their words, much
  

  Cuckoo for Coconuts

  like Italians from Napoli. “Buenos Dias” becomes “Bueno Dia” or, even, “Buen Dia.” (like “Ricotta” becomes “Ricott”)

• Every bug in PR is taking the opportunity to bite me. Mosquitos, gnats, fire ants – don’t they know I’m trying to detox, and their putting their toxins into me?
• As a result of my body getting clean, my underarm sweat is starting to smell like maple syrup.
• While observing a large iguana, I was told by a local that the government here wants people to eat them, because the population is too large. When I asked if anybody does eat them, he responded “Chinese people.”
• A bird pooped on my shoulder Saturday, and, although some people claim it is good luck, I was not into dealing with even more toxins. Birds and bugs – stop conspiring against me!
• They actually listen to steel drum music here. non-ironically.
• Men can climb trees like monkeys.

I’ve also learned so much more about the mysterious creatures we call humans. There is something about the stripped-down detox environment that brings people back into themselves. Everybody has their story. Everybody is on the same playing field. Many are seekers of knowledge or of healing. Some come alone. Some come with family. When you’re here, you feel safe in your own skin.

A day's haul of the good stuff.

The yin knife and the yang coconuts

Today I woke up and the first thought I had was “Buenos Dias, Motherfuckers!” (Sorry. Mom.)

Today was my power day.

Yesterday was my crying day. Yes; for no specific reason, I cried most of the morning. Sitting on the beautiful beach, crying and weeping and blowing my nose into a paper towel. It was weird and unexpected, but also felt really right and good. Who cares that I looked like a pathetic, pasty-white mainlander to the beautiful, bronzed locals? This is detox.

Coconut Jail

I’m not getting off of drugs or alcohol; I am healing the cells of my body and relaxing the tension from my mind. Perhaps ‘cleansing’ is a more appropriate word, but, I felt so toxic before I arrived here, that detoxification feels like a better way to express it. (My apologies if this offends those who may have been through a chemical detox.)

For those of you who have never attempted an extended fast, or cleansed, or purified, or have done a health detox, it is a very planned dietetic and lifestyle thing, which completely knocks you on your ass some days and make you feel like you are a superhero, on others. Oftentimes, these feelings change from hour-to-hour or moment-to-moment.

You either leap a tall building in a single bound, or you crash, head-on, right into its bricks.

As the toxins – caused by diet, environment, or stress – leave your body, they can mess you up, temporarily. The longer you’ve been toxic, or the fatter you are (fat holds toxins, ) or, depending on your pre-detox lifestyle, the longer it can take before you are past all of the purging, and you are feeling cleaner.

Thanks, again, to the many of you who have sent emails and texts, and who have commented, here, for your wonderful words of support and love. Words matter, and they are helping me through my detox.

Just know this – In my opinion, it is all worth making the swings between weak and strong, tired and energized, bloated and normal, joy and sadness, because, in the end, you reach a better version of yourself.

Today, though, I am still going through the process, and I woke up feeling like Samuel L. Jackson, or the Puerto Rican, female version of him, anyway. He is a superhero, right?

Can you spot my tears in this water?

Nuts, in a sea of change

primo

Everyone here in Puerto Rico has been lovely. Sweet, friendly, supportive – from the people attending and working at the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute, to the taxi drivers, to the people who live in, or visit, Aguada. People actually smile and say hello when you cross paths with them; it a welcome change from from the often-stoic New England.

Today, I met an older man on the beach. His name is Hector, and he had walked 90 minutes along the shoreline from the adjacent town of Rincon. He was thrilled that he had made such a long journey, in support of his health. He looked happy and was pausing in shade of a coconut palm, where I had been napping after my swim, to refresh himself.

He immediately assumed I spoke Spanish. “You have a Latina American face, ” he said, in his best English. (Sadly, I don’t speak it.) He offered to get me a coconut (yes, also free) and cut it so I could drink the water (although I loved that idea, I politely refused.) He also told me he fishes with a long pole for big fish called dorado. I told him I was getting healthy, too. “At Wigmore,” he interrupted and understood. We had a really nice, intercultural life pause, on a hot day, together.

At home, if a stranger stands near you on the beach and offers you things and tells you about his/her life, you would think that person was crazy.

secondo

It is awesome, here. Awesome and beautiful. Because Puerto Rico is an island, on any day of your choice, you can experience both the sunrise and the sunset.

Some part of me feels guilty for sharing that with you. Why? Because, if you are anything like me (and we are all pretty much the same) a person who is unemployed yet writing about loving a three-week plus trip to a tropical paradise is irresponsible. A responsible person would be home looking for a job, right? Or, even if you think it is OK that I’m here, maybe you resent it just a little because, for whatever reasons you have in your life, you are not here, and that upsets you, somehow. Instead of accepting things as they are, you put them in another context.

terzo

When I was able to leave my job, many of the people I used to work with, and a number of other friends an acquaintances, expressed that they were “jealous that I was not working” or “I wish I could do the same thing” or “you know, what you did took balls.”

Why are people more excited at the prospect of no work, or, somehow, being relieved that they wouldn’t have to work, than they are about doing their jobs?

quattro

If I told you I was a going to Burger King to have dinner, you wouldn’t bat an eye. If I told you I was eating cold, green soup at every meal – made with blended sprouts, seaweed, purslane, fermented grain water (rejuvelac) and vegetables – would you join me?

fine

The more I reflect on all of this life transition stuff, and the more I hear stories from others, the more I feel we live in an upside-down world. Somehow, fear took over driving the bus, instead of it being driven by love of life. People are most comfortable with the status-quo, even if that means being untrusting of others, judgmental, jealous, stressed-out, and unhealthy. Even people who work hard to do the right things can become toxic. And, it seems so hard to change.

Could you imagine if our relatives or ancestors were really afraid? How many of them would have remained in their native countries – no matter how tough the conditions – and not emigrated to the United States? You could argue that fear may have driven them to leave, but I would argue that, despite the fear, it was really love of life that made them  change. Sometimes, the love of the idea of a better tomorrow is much stronger than the fear that keeps you in the same place.

coda

I want you to know that I feel beautiful, and, even in my darkest and most fearful moments, I always have. That being said, I have known, for a long while, that I am not my best self. I kept waiting for something to change, so I could get better. Turns out (and I kinda knew this all along) that I had to change.

My brother, Dan, sent me this quotation “The mighty oak was once a nut that stood its ground.”

I’m standing my ground to fix my life. It it not easy and I am not brave. This is a process, not a light switch, which involves personal and professional transition. It involves being open, and not closed. It involves risk. It is scary.

I left my job because I could no longer lose my life to it.

I’m not romantic enough to think it will be all sunshine and mangos; there will continue to be pain. I will need to listen to what is right for me, even if that means it isn’t right for others. I’m not expecting perfection, just a better version of me. To let love of life drive the bus, again.

To get there, right now, it involves me sometimes stretching under a coconut palm or, other times, reading under an almond tree. If that qualifies me as a nut, then I’m in good company.

The view up, from standing on the ground